The first Artwork I created as an Artist (back in March, 2018) was a commissioned piece. A friend moved into their first apartment, and they wanted me to paint something for the home. Thinking back on it, it was a huge deal for me. The happiness lasted only a few moments. I was bombarded with questions (courtesy of me, myself and I). Questions like – ‘What’s my style?’, ‘how am I going to portray my idea?’. These were just the tip of the iceberg. The commissioned works' tag was 'My trip on a beach in Goa, at night'. The friend, merely said “I would like you to do what feels right”. I was new to doing commissions, to being an Artist. I was to be paid for my work.

Fear had outrun any excitement/ happiness. Insecurity mixed with fear of letting down someone who trusted me ? The feeling preceded any logic I had built up.

I looked up photographs of beaches, of waves, coastlines. I thought it would be easy picking what to paint (a lesson I have since learnt, it’s otherwise). I asked my then Instagram friends (who were friends from IRL, still are by the way). I didn’t want to look at paintings, I was worried about infringing on their trademark works, i.e, their art. I came up with practice pieces and asked my friend for feedback.

I finally painted it, after about a month. I framed it and decided to give a palette knife painting of the sky meeting the ocean. It was done whimsically, it wasn’t planned. It just happened, and I wanted it to go to the same home as my first commissioned painting would be in. They belonged together.

This happened in March-April of 2018.I haven’t taken on any commissions since then, neither was I approached for it nor did I market that I was open for commissions.

Insecurity and Art didn’t get along well, for me. Insecurity was degrading the artist in me and thus the art that I created.

I would spend the next Seven years finding myself, my strengths, understanding my privileges, upskilling, learning and navigating undoing the way I see myself as a person.

Follow me for updates, as I blog about this journey, I’m still figuring what I want to share and how I would like to share it. The goal was to have a blog on my own website (showcasing design, development understanding, management). Now that I’m here – I hadn’t planned what I would write about. My socials are on my website home page.

Thank you for reading, I remind myself how lucky I am (for the lack of a better word, the universe feels so) to have the support that shows in so many ways. Reading is a way of supporting!

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I'm Now Accepting Commissions!

After seven years of growth and self-discovery, I'm excited to announce that I'm opening up for commissioned artwork. If you'd like to collaborate on a custom piece, I'd love to hear from you.

Contact me at ennay.arts@gmail.com